There were moments when I would come home exhausted, depleted.
I would flop down on the couch, floor, bed—my body numb with exhaustion, my eyes barely able to open. My whole body was craving rest, stillness, and yet a voice in my mind would say: “Popcorn. Chocolate. Ice cream.” I would ignore it for a while until it got so loud and annoying, I had to get up. The pull was irresistible.
Completely exhausted and angry with myself, I’d stumble my way into the kitchen to make myself whatever my mind was incessantly trying to tell me to eat. Or I would eat a healthier version of it, or carrots, or rice cakes… But in the end, I’d always end up following the initial craving, even if it meant driving to get it. Even the next day.
I’d eat half-awake, like a zombie in the kitchen. Standing hunched over the counter or at the open fridge. Eating to quiet the nagging voice in my head, angry at the fact that I once again fell prey to it.
Can you relate to this? Can you relate to being pulled out of bed, off the couch, out of life to satisfy cravings that your mind can’t seem to stop having? It happens to more of us than you’d think, and it made me hate myself. It made me think there was something wrong with me, that I was broken, and that I needed to “tame” a wild beast inside of me that would eat everything and anything if I let it out of its cage.
If someone had told me then that it was possible—and not that hard—to stop, I wouldn’t have believed them. If someone told me that in order to stop, I simply needed to let myself eat, befriend this wild beast inside, and start living my life, I’d have thought they were crazy. If someone told me that every single part of me loves me and is on my side, including the part of me that binges, I’d have walked away.
And yet, this is exactly what I have discovered: the part of me that binges is one of my biggest allies. I now know that if I ever have an urge to binge (which is quite rare these days), my body is simply trying to get my attention and indicate that I need something. I may need a hug, a challenge, or alone time. I may need something I didn’t know I needed, and eating has been my way to satisfy it for a long time. I may need something inappropriate or scary—something I learned to stuff down early on. When I feel the urge to binge, I have an opportunity to discover who I really am and what I really need.
The most profound part about this process is that when you start being who you really are, you start stepping into your power. You start honoring your boundaries, saying “No” to people you’ve put up with for too long, “Yes” to experiences you’ve put off for too long. You start living louder, dressing more radiantly, allowing yourself to be seen. If you want to stop bingeing, you’ve got to start living. You’ve got to break free from the shell that has grown hard around your heart and do things that scare you.
Are you ready to start living and break free from bingeing once and for all? Schedule a 1x1 Discovery Call with me here. If you’re feeling scared, that may be a clear indication this is for you. There’s no commitment by calling—we’ll simply connect and see if we’re a good fit to work together. If you’re tired from bingeing and want to start taking a stand for yourself, schedule you’re free Discovery Call.